What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 01:54
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But it wasn’t much.
What are the pros and cons of a prospective bride/groom not having any siblings?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
This is soul school!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And i lived it daily.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What was your wildest experience as a lesbian?
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was scared of men, in general
It seems that I am cursed with bad luck. How do I break such a curse?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What might be the social consequences of an ethnic as opposed to a civic conception of the nation?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why do our deceased do not protect us from other bad spirits?
I think the readers, may guess!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Put me off passion for life!!
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As i do to all so called friends.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What's a joke you haven't used yet, but are dying to share?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We all went to grammer schools
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What’s a mistake most guys make when trying to get a girlfriend?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What is the worst thing your sibling has done?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What’s something you did a lot as a kid that you don’t miss now that you’re an adult?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What is the most unwatchable movie you have sat through?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He knew the spot.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She married twice! .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
It was going to be , some day.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was very sick at this time too.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I said to her
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Would this be the day?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot live in the past .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She found it foreign!.
I was 9 years of age.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Ive learnt so much.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was seconnd youngest,
I will be 64.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Comes on , in middle age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I write beautiful poetry .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What did i know ?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I have no regrets .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She loved him until the end.
Im still living with it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I waited trembling.
I don,t even have a pension.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She wouldn,t have been !
My life is so biszare .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So whats the point in blame.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We were not on the streets..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
When she asked me how she looked .
Was to survive, this bastard.
My family never makes their pension either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was in good health!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.